Fat Guy In A Little Coat

I realized real quick that I'm going to have to drop another 20-30 lbs and shrink 5 inches to fit in anything in Indonesia.  I tossed on a XXL and still looked like someone from Jersey Shore.  I wanted to immediately go to my room and shower, as anyone would want when they think about (or watch) that show.  Instead, I was met with a couple giggles and jokes as we went through our teachers' retreat in Puncak.  After the first week of induction, all the teachers are required to attend the retreat in Puncak, an area high in the mountains that's home to numerous hotels and resorts for leisure and/or conferences.  Just like everything else in Indonesia, it was normal to see hours of poverty followed by a classy, westernized building.  The resort we went to was a nice place.  Standard hotel rooms coupled with independent houses that were used for meetings, lodging or full-time family housing.  Had tradition Indonesian food, bought some local crafts and enjoyed 9 hours of traffic on what should have been a two hour trip back.  Welcome to Indonesia.

It's incredible that I've only been here for a month.  I feel like, along with many of the other new teachers, that doing so much in an entirely new country in such a short amount of time makes it feel like we've been here for months already.  I've started to pick up certain phrases of the language that allow to me venture outside the 480 malls they have around Jakarta (exaggerated number, though they do have malls everywhere).  Learning the numbers was easy enough and helps tremendously when you're trying to haggle with the cab driver during rush hour on Saturday night:  the first night we were really able to go out as a group.

Over a dozen of the teachers went out to a late dinner and had an enjoyable time, but half the group didn't want the fun to stop I guess.  Being the guy I am, I chose to continue enjoying myself and  go to a local watering hole.  Per a local's suggestion, we ventured to an establishment that was 30 some minutes away.  Just to be clear, we did not know what this place was nor have we been there since.  It looked credible enough in our research (thank you, smartphones) though, so we went. The only way I can describe the first floor is a crappy prom photo shoot setup.  Why pictures would be taken in this place?  I don't know, so we continued up.  The next floor we all stopped to break the seal with me and the other guy (naturally) being finished before the women.  So we stepped through this curtain to see a pitch black room with rave lights and a group of (what looked like) younger folks dancing.  I made sure everyone was clothed and we weren't in a shady place before continuing and making a mental note to come back if the other floors were boring.  By the 3rd and top floor, we finally saw people our age walking through a curtain to what looked like a dance floor.  After seeing a fairly high cover charge, our group decided to go back downstairs.  We found the formerly pitch black room to be lit up and a cover band was playing.  I figured it wouldn't be too bad.

Now, I'm not one to judge.  When I looked to my right and saw two couches full of women against the far wall, I thought to myself 'hey, maybe Jakartan bars are like a middle school dance in America:  all the girls on one side and all the guys on the other'.  This is what I wanted to believe.  Of course, the only table available was right next to these women.  The five of us took a seat, ordered a pitcher and watched the band play American songs that were popular two years ago.  However, we just couldn't shake certain characteristics of these women that made us think we were in the wrong place.  Very professional in the way they approach men, if you catch my drift.  For those of you that are too thick to pick up on the not-so-subtle hints:  prostitutes.  The way we knew for sure:  a very butch local woman comes dressed in a suit and starts chatting up the girls.  Trying not to be disgusted, I turned my head and tried not the judge against the woman's personal preference.  Not completely unsurprisingly, she walks to the back of the bar to get a bird's eye view of the place.  When we sees potential prey, she signals with a laser pointer and points to three of the girls.  Those three get up, walk over with Butch and she then shows off her product.  By the time we pull the wipers off and know for sure that we need to get out of here before we're seen on an episode of Cops:  Indonesia, we'd just gotten our pitcher of beer.  I know we all have our war stories from back in the day, but I've never seen a pitcher downed that fast in my entire life.  Before Butch could blink, the bule and their assumingly deep pockets (laughable) were out of there and hailing a cab to go back home and bath in GermX.  The end of a night that will be talked about in infamy amongst us five, but the bar name never uttered allowed in case anyone heard.  Welcome to Indonesia.

Next post will talk about the quality of the school.  Spoiler alert:  It's awesome.  It's worlds different than anything I've seen in America, but it's not like the bar was set pretty high.  'A student didn't try to shank me today, so it was pretty good,' I responded when people asked how my first day was.  They laughed until they realized I wasn't joking.  Until next time (which could be this weekend), enjoy 'Merica and have a diesel for me

Josh